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Dealing With Angry Women

February 25th, 2009 · 9 Comments · Dating

Eliz­a­beth Stew­art is angry at the world over the dif­fi­cul­ties in life and with Internet-dating tips, online dating-tips, and free dating-tips:

I have a job that makes no allowances for the fact I have chil­dren who don’t always get sick with three weeks’ advance notice.

The board­ing school and nurs­ery assume I wait around at home with noth­ing to do but attend con­fer­ences and plays and sports events on their sched­ule. No won­der I’m filled with a per­ma­nent neb­u­lous, undi­rected rage that my life has become a Gor­dian knot of oblig­a­tions, respon­si­bil­i­ties, guilt, duties and expectations.

I can’t even go for a walk in the park with­out fac­tor­ing in the needs of half a dozen peo­ple. I resent that every sec­ond of my day is owned by some­one else.

Yes, I’m angry. I’m angry with a world that still doesn’t acknowl­edge how hard women work, in and out of the work­place. I’m angry with men for dump­ing the chil­drea­r­ing prob­lem in our laps. I’m angry with women for refus­ing to admit it’s too much, that we can’t do every­thing all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my hus­band. But there are times I could cheer­fully stran­gle him sim­ply for hav­ing the luck to be born a man…

Most of my days are a near-precipice expe­ri­ence. I’m so close to the edge that I’m in a semi-permanent state of panic. I have a con­stant list of things I have to do run­ning through my head like a stock mar­ket ticker-tape.

Women, of course, tend to be angrier than men. They also tend to be more happy, sad, jealous, and frus­trated. Women gen­er­ally feel all emo­tions more strongly than men as a result of hor­mones and brain chemistry.

Still, this pur­ported epi­demic of female rage is a result of some­thing far more sub­tle and impor­tant than a husband’s alleged lack of parental and house­hold respon­si­bil­ity. Women are angry today because they real­ize that fem­i­nism sold them a false bill of goods. If a woman is middle-aged, child­less, and sin­gle, then she likely knows that she focused on the wrong pri­or­i­ties ear­lier in life. If a woman is young, then she prob­a­bly believes that the fem­i­nists of for­mer gen­er­a­tions have made their lives worse.

After gain­ing the rights to vote and not be treated like prop­erty in the legal sys­tem, fem­i­nists then decided to change West­ern cul­ture. Now, decades later, the unin­tended con­se­quences have become obvious.

If a woman is like Stew­art on Niger­ian dat­ing sites (or those of any coun­try), her dat­ing pro­file would be, shall we say, just a lit­tle bit­ter. The entry of mil­lions of women into the work force depressed aver­age wages for every­one, forc­ing house­holds to have two incomes rather than one. (When you dou­ble the sup­ply of labor and demand remains con­stant, the price of labor is cut in half. It is sim­ply the law of sup­ply and demand.) When women then needed to work to pro­vide for a fam­ily, chil­dren became increas­ingly ignored by their moth­ers and fathers. More stress within fam­i­lies as a result of both par­ents work­ing in order to make ends meet was prob­a­bly a rea­son for the increase in divorce in the 1970s and 1980s.

But there were other con­se­quences. Women delayed seri­ous rela­tion­ships and mar­riage in order to pur­sue grad­u­ate degrees and careers. Now, when they are desparate for chil­dren in their thir­ties, they see that men are no longer inter­ested in them. Fem­i­nism “lib­er­ated” women from tra­di­tional sex­ual morals, enabling them to has much pre­mar­i­tal sex as they want. As a result, men are no longer inter­ested in buy­ing the cow in mar­riage because they can get the milk for free. Pornog­ra­phy also became main­stream and accepted as a result of the sex-positive school of fem­i­nism, fur­ther reduc­ing the neces­sity for men to have rela­tion­ships and get mar­ried. Fem­i­nists suc­ceeded in get­ting fam­ily courts on their side, and men know that they will lose their house, their chil­dren, and at least half their assets if they ever get divorced. Score one more point against marriage.

Women worked so hard to get what they thought they wanted, and now they real­ize that it was all for noth­ing as they look at Christian-singles dat­ing, online-dating ser­vice, and gay-dating services.

My ear­lier essay: The Bat­tle of the Sexes. Vox Day offers his thoughts as well.

Tags: dat­ing ser­vice, dat­ing web­sites, dat­ing agency, online dat­ing dat­ing, dat­ing rooms, chris­t­ian sin­gles dat­ing, sin­gles online dat­ing, new york dat­ing ser­vices, boston dat­ing, nyc dat­ing

Now Avail­able: E-Book down­load: “Let­ters from Israel: An Amer­i­can journalist’s adven­tures in the Holy Land.“

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Writ­ten by: Samuel J. Scott on 25 Feb­ru­ary 2009.
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9 Comments so far ↓

  • bluesmokeofparadise // Feb 25, 2009 at 22:43

    Well, there are schools of “fem­i­nism” which see all pornog­ra­phy as vio­lence against women, e.g., Andrea Dworkin and Catherin MacKinnon.

    But beyond this dis­con­cert­ing gen­er­al­iza­tion, and you employ sev­eral, per­haps this one is the most glaring:

    “Women are angry today because they real­ize that fem­i­nism sold them a false bill of goods. If a woman is middle-aged, child­less, and sin­gle, then she likely knows that she focused on the wrong pri­or­i­ties ear­lier in life. If a woman is young, then she prob­a­bly believes that the fem­i­nists of for­mer gen­er­a­tions have made their lives worse.”

    Fem­i­nism is as diverse and mul­ti­fac­eted as the fight against racism and poverty.

    The sweep­ing gen­er­al­iza­tions offered in the above pas­sages, about fem­i­nism, “angry mid­dle aged women,” the expec­ta­tion of mod­ern women as to what their lives should be, and even how younger women view feminism’s legacy are rather car­toon­ish: overly sim­ple and devoid of real­is­tic representation.

    A car­toon which comes to mind, by the way, is the most recent in the Post and the shoot­ing of the monkey.

    Yes, you seem to me to attempt to “shoot a mon­key” here …

    Inter­est­ing blog.

    I’ve found that pro­jec­tion of one’s emo­tions onto the other isn’t a qual­ity restricted to women.

    Just my opin­ion, of course.  (Quote)

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  • sheilaw12 // Jun 25, 2009 at 20:30

    “As a result, men are no longer inter­ested in buy­ing the cow in mar­riage because they can get the milk for free. Pornog­ra­phy also became main­stream and accepted as a result of the sex-positive school of fem­i­nism, fur­ther reduc­ing the neces­sity for men to have rela­tion­ships and get married.”

    I think the prob­lem stems in com­par­ing women with cows, live­stock or auto­mo­biles. Men need to update their view­point of our mod­ern sit­u­a­tion. Women were forced to change their tra­di­tional roles dur­ing WWII and kept this coun­try going while men were off fight­ing the Nazis. Alot of men refuse to alter their roles one bit.

    This Woman stay­ing at home thing started as the result of the indus­trial rev­o­lu­tion. It was never a part of Hunter Gather soci­ety or even Agrar­ian cul­tures sim­ply because the woman was an equal part­ner in gath­er­ing resources to keep the fam­ily alive. There was no other way. Women did more work than the men by gath­er­ing food, work­ing in the fields and still tak­ing care of the children.

    It’s only when our lives were sup­ple­mented with mod­ern agri­cul­tural and food gath­er­ing tech­niques dur­ing the indus­trial rev­o­lu­tion that women were given the “lux­ury” of stay­ing at home to raise the chil­dren exclu­sively while men became the pri­mary bread winner.

    Today, our lives have become immensely com­pli­cated. I don’t think that you can blame the woman for the need for two incomes in the house­hold. As fuel prices increase, basic house­hold neces­si­ties come at a higher cost for the aver­age work­ing fam­ily. Home mortages, car pay­ments, insur­ance, school tuition have all sky rock­eted since WWII and this was not the fault of women’s rights.

    A woman has the right to uti­lize her tal­ent, brains and cre­ativ­ity toward higher ende­vors than becom­ing a domes­ti­cated house­wife. Most mar­riages in which the women are young end up in bit­ter divorces when the man turns again to a younger woman and leaves his aging wife in the dust. So the woman has to have some­thing to fall back on besides the ever elu­sive whims of men…otherwise, she’d starve to death.

    On another note, peo­ple are hav­ing chil­dren later and later in life sim­ply because our soci­ety has changed. Do you go around blam­ing a man for wait­ing until 40 to become a father. Men have shorter life expecten­cies than women. Do you blame the man for wait­ing too long to become a father because he is not as likely to be around for his child longer than if he had started earlier?

    The truth is that with mod­ern med­i­cines, a lot of mid­dle aged women can have chil­dren later in life and they turn out fine. A lot of cou­ples, both younger and older, must have two incomes to sup­port the increas­ing house­hold costs as a result of the econ­omy and not because women decided one day to work out­side of the home.  (Quote)

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  • Sam Scott // Jun 25, 2009 at 21:51

    sheilaw12,

    Today, our lives have become immensely com­pli­cated. I don’t think that you can blame the woman for the need for two incomes in the house­hold. As fuel prices increase, basic house­hold neces­si­ties come at a higher cost for the aver­age work­ing fam­ily. Home mortages, car pay­ments, insur­ance, school tuition have all sky rock­eted since WWII and this was not the fault of women’s rights.

    The price of oil sky­rock­eted only in the past sev­eral years. That of hous­ing and higher edu­ca­tion only did so in the 1990s. It is true that an increased labor sup­ply bring­ing down wages has not been the only rea­son for a two-income house­hold becom­ing a neces­sity. There were other fac­tors includ­ing higher income-tax rates start­ing in the 1960s.

    But the fact remains that, on a macro­eco­nomic level, the real­ity of sup­ply and demand has had the largest effect. To dou­ble the sup­ply of labor when the demand for labor remains level will nat­u­rally result in a decrease in the price of that labor.

    A woman has the right to uti­lize her tal­ent, brains and cre­ativ­ity toward higher ende­vors than becom­ing a domes­ti­cated housewife.

    Of course she has the right to choose to do so, but that does not mean she should do so. And I would bet that all of the proud moth­ers out there would be offended by your com­ment that careers are “higher endeav­ors” than ded­i­cat­ing one’s life to rais­ing a family.

    As far as what is good for soci­ety, it is much more impor­tant for a woman to raise good boys and girls than for her to sit in the cubi­cal hell of middle-management for decades.

    Most mar­riages in which the women are young end up in bit­ter divorces when the man turns again to a younger woman and leaves his aging wife in the dust. So the woman has to have some­thing to fall back on besides the ever elu­sive whims of men…otherwise, she’d starve to death.

    I would love it if you would point me to some data on this. I doubt that it is true if both the man and woman are young when they get mar­ried. If an older man mar­ries a younger girl, how­ever, than obvi­ously he cares too much about super­fi­cial appearances.

    Do you go around blam­ing a man for wait­ing until 40 to become a father.

    Yes, I do — if it was a result of a direct choice on his part.

    The truth is that with mod­ern med­i­cines, a lot of mid­dle aged women can have chil­dren later in life and they turn out fine.

    Again, you are con­fus­ing can with should. Chil­dren born to older women are sta­tis­ti­cally more prone to birth defects, dis­eases, and other mal­adies.  (Quote)

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  • p // May 11, 2010 at 13:53

    Being edu­cated mostly by my mother, I con­sid­ered that the woman needs love, needs affec­tion, needs com­mu­ni­ca­tion and I tried to do be a nice guy. Well, recently I realised that exactely because of this I was rejected by all girls and never had a girl­friend (and I am 30 years old, almost).
    I avoided to con­sider the woman as a sex­ual object and now, real­is­ing that they chose the men for which woman=“something with vagina”, I am really frus­trated.
    I realised that women say some­thing and choose very dif­fer­ent thing. And now I start­ing to hate them and to be happy every­time I see a bat­tered woman. She cho­sen the “bad boy” she’ll pay for it.

    Btw. I am not con­sid­er­ing myself NOW a nice guy any­more. There is to much resent­ment, bit­ter­ness and frus­tra­tion in me.
    I have the inten­tion to give my first kiss to a sex­ual worker (and of course, to have the first sex­ual con­tact with her). She will deserve more than any women (first kiss, sex­ual con­tact and of course, money). All other women will be “lower than a bitch”.

    The weird thing is that all these woman who chose the “bad boys” will teach their male chil­drens to be a nice guy, which (because of “nice guy fin­ish last”), unfor­tu­nately will turn them into a frus­trated, full of resent­ment and bit­ter men.  (Quote)

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