A divorced mother writes this query to Christian-libertarian blogger Vox Day, and he responds:
Well, I should say it increasingly depends on the sex and religion of the individual. In its present state-dictated form, marriage is very much worth it for women, it is a tolerable and necessary risk for religious men, and it is an incredibly stupid gamble for non-religious men…
I really wish more men and women understood the concept of opportunity cost. Every day you waste with someone who has demonstrated that he is not a potential husband is one less day you have to meet a man who is. Don’t seek to change them, accept and respect their perspective and move on. The other important thing is to refuse to let the ideal become the enemy of the real. The man you marry today will not be the man you are married to in a decade, just as you will not be the same woman. Remember that marriage and love are as much processes as states.
I concur with his point about opportunity cost. (Economic theories can be surprisingly applicable to everyday life.) As commenter Karjala writes:
My mother told me she thought the reason for all the divorces today is women’s unrealistic expectations brought on by Hollywood. She said, “Women now want a man who is attractive, funny, wealthy, hardworking, and romantic. When I was in high school all my friends and I were just looking for a guy who would be a good father, was willing to work, and wouldn’t beat us.”
As I wrote in a lengthy essay, one of the unintended consequence of feminism was to make women pickier. Women, in general, want to date “up” — in several senses of the word. The more educated and successful a woman becomes, the smaller the pool of acceptable dating candidates becomes. The longer that a woman intentionally or subconsciously delays having a serious relationship or getting married (whether to pursue education, career, or Mr. Absolutely Perfect), the greater the chance that she will be disappointed at her resulting options in her thirties or later. See game theory in addition to opportunity cost.
Marriage is indeed worthwhile; it can just be hard to reach in the modern, secular West today.
