HALIFAX, Canada — I flew to this Canadian town to attend a conference of the North American Street Newspaper Association in 2006 while I was Editor-in-Chief of Spare Change News in Boston, and the greatest lesson at the seminar actually came from a bar in the city.
While some of my fellow conference attendees were elsewhere in the bar, I went outside to have a quick smoke since smoking was just as illegal inside bars in Canada as it was in Boston.
While I was smoking, a tall, cute, blond girl came outside. She asked me for a cigarette. I gave her a cigarette, and we made small talk. After we had finished our cigarettes, she winked at me and asked if I would buy her a drink. Since I was a little drunk at that point — and what else is there to do at a business conference — I bought shots of tequila. Right after the shots, she walked away and joined some friends who were nearby. I was not thinking clearly at the time, so I walked over to join her. Soon after, one of her friends leaned over and whispered: “She has a boyfriend! Get lost!”
That was the last time that I bought a drink for a girl at her suggestion.
So, this story came to mind as I read this post from Craig’s List on buying drinks for girls, as quoted by Roissy in DC:
“So are you gonna buy me a drink or what?”
I had been dreading this moment. I’ve learned from hard experience that any prolonged conversation with a girl at a club or a bar inevitably requires a fee of rum and coke, vodka tonic, or God forbid, a cosmo. As cute as you were, I felt obligated to retain my self-respect.
“Sorry, I don’t buy girls drinks. Just kind of my policy.”
You looked at me like I told you I was going to rape your dog Charlie (yes, I remember his name). Your face morphed from a beautiful smile into a twisted caricature of shock, revulsion, and utter disbelief.
“Seriously, you’re not gonna buy me a drink? What’s your problem?”
Well sweetheart, let me explain to you in detail my logic regarding this decision that you found so unbelievable:
1. I’ve been going to bars for a couple of years now. I enjoy meeting people when I do. I enjoy meeting attractive girls like yourself. I have, however, learned that buying girls drinks is a sucker’s game. Yes, it has developed into sharing my bed for the night a couple times, but 90% of the time, all it does is give me a higher bar tab. Now you might say I’m a prick for expecting a girl to sleep with me just because I buy her a drink. I agree an $8 cocktail does not and should not equal a sexual encounter. However, I believe spending time and money on a girl when I could be having a good night out with my friends does entitle me at least one of the following things: You reciprocating by buying me a drink, you giving me your phone number and/or going out on a date with me, where once again I will be spending time and money on you. Notice that sex is not a requirement or expectation that is coupled with any of these options. Now, of course, if I had offered to buy you a drink, and you accepted, you are not obligated to any of these things. The big distinction here is that you asked me to buy you a drink, and were shocked that I wouldn’t do so. This brings me to my second point.
Read the whole post to get the full effect. It’s priceless.
Here’s the point. I do not mean to imply that all women are vapid, superficial, gold-diggers. I mean to imply that many of the young ones are. Especially those who are in their I’m-so-hot-and-I-go-to-bars-all-the-time-to-get-drunk-and-expect-men-to-worship-the-gold-between-my-legs phase. Or, even better, it will dissuade the girls who are of the I’m-so-hot-that-I-do-not-need-to-pay-for-anything-ever mindset.
My recommendation? If any girl approaches you, a single guy, with a request for a drink, here is your response: “If you want the privilege of speaking with me, you should buy me a drink!” At the very least, it will ward off the gold-diggers who want a free ride. At the best, it will intrigue the girls who aren’t used to hearing that line in a bar. Still, as I suggest, if you want to get married, meeting potential significant-other in bars is a horrible idea.
But I digress.
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